Less than 52 Saturdays left…

I have dreaded writing this…. I am not sure how I started with 676 Saturdays, that warm August day in 2007, and now, I have less than 52. A few of you may remember when Ashleigh started High School I wrote a post called 208 Saturdays left. I will be honest, when I wrote it, I was overwhelmed with her starting High School, I had no idea what I was in for. But, it was an emotional post, something that made me think about her future, my future, and how those years would go for her.

Well, today, we are embarking on the last year of high school. It seems like I just wrote that post about her first day at Bartram yesterday. And now, I am writing about her last first day. Next year when Haylee heads off her for first day at Bartram, Ash wont be here. I have less than 52 Saturdays left until she leaves, and takes on this world solo. As you can imagine, I am writing this through a sea of tears, the emotion on over load. It all seemed so far away with the excitement of a new chapter, I can’t believe we start writing the last chapter of her High School book today.

When I wrote that post, I was thinking of all the mommas with Seniors, and the 52 Saturdays they had left with their babies. I was thinking about how I would blink and it would be my turn, and here I am. I don’t want to waste a minute, but I am afraid we all already have. The moments when we just needed a break. The moments of running to the grocery, helping with homework, and listening to their middle school woes. Or changing diapers, fighting over food choices, and picking up behind them. I had no idea… it was all the good stuff. Don’t get me wrong, I am not stupid- I know if I could do it all again, I would probably make all the same mistakes {thats why we get to be grandparents, and do it right}, but as the mom of a Senior, it seems like a tough moment to realize you aren’t quite ready to be “done”.

As I read that post, I am reminded of the pen drawn heart ash had on her hand on her first day of Kindergarten. I heart I drew so she would know I was with her all day, because I knew elementary school was big and scary! Now, I am wondering if she will draw that same heart on my hand to remind me that the baby girl I have raised will always know that her heart is with me, and this is always her home.

I love the adults my children are becoming. I love seeing them start to make life choices, from Hunter who will be 21, and is planning on law enforcement. To Cameron who started his first year at ISU. To Ash and her last first day here with me, and to Haylee ending her 9 years at LPA. Its a lot on this momma heart.

So, today, there is no Mimosa, or celebration, and maybe some tears- even after almost 6 months off! But, they are tears of happiness too. I know they will all do amazing things, but most of all, I hope they know how loved they are, and how excited I am for everything they have ahead of them! And Ashleigh, I hope you know how proud I am. How much I have enjoyed being your Mom, the swim meets, the friends, the shopping, all of the amazing little things that will float through my mind this year. As we start your last year of high School memories be prepared for a lot of tears {of course you know this} but know I am as excited for your future today, as I was almost 18 years ago when I first held you in my arms. I love you peanut!